


Say Nothing

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Star Wars, Episode VIII: The Last Jedi [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen, Injury Recovery, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Recovery, death of Han Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 23:13:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11390403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Kylo Ren recovers.





	Say Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Speech-deprived
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author's Notes: Mostly based on the fact that some Kylo Ren recovery fics I've read (and maybe I'm reading the wrong ones) don't really focus on the emotional aftermath of Kylo killing his father, and it feels wrong, really.

 

 It's not the fact that he was beaten by the scavenger -- no, Jaina -- that hurts, though her presence brings up a lot of questions. What was she doing on Jakku, for example. (And what was Skywalker doing in all this? Did he even care?) It's not the threat of Snoke's rebuke that hurts, although he knows Snoke will be furious, not only about Starkiller being lost and him losing to Jaina but also Kylo nearly betraying him. Yes, Kylo's near-betrayal will be what he's most furious about. Kylo's promised not to leave him as Yoda did, and he broke that promise. Nearly broke that promise.

No, what hurts is the matter of Han Solo.

Killing him should have settled the conflict within himself.

It's done the opposite of that.

He doesn't move even as medical droids attend to his injuries, doesn't speak. There's tension in the medbay, as if they expect him to destroy something any moment or so. But Kylo Ren says nothing, does nothing. The bacta stings even as they smear it over his face. He doesn't move, still.

He lies there, all but paralytic, not responding to offers of food or drink. In his mind, he's repeating the lines of the Sith Code that Snoke has taught him, along with the Code of Ren. Peace is a lie, there is only passion. That he knows too well, though in the place of "passion", there is "confusion". Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. That makes sense. That Kylo Ren cannot argue with. But when he gets to the last two lines ( Through victory my chains are broken, the Force shall free me.) he freezes.

Killing Han Solo should have been a victory.

Jaina aside, the traitor aside, the Wookiee aside, it wasn't. Even watching Han Solo fall off that bridge, he had not felt triumphant. He had been horrified.

He is not victorious. He is the opposite of that.

Voices enter his mind. Memories. " _It wasn't your fault Thomas died, kiddo. You did the best you could."_

Fixing the _Falcon_ together. Even stepping into that cockpit, Kylo knew he hadn't done that in too long.

He doesn't say anything. Kylo Ren says nothing for a long time. Instead, he lies awake, staring out at the blindingly white, almost suffocatingly lonely, walls, trying desperately not to fall asleep. 


End file.
